Anxiety 6: Dial it back up

I like my medication, occasionally I’d get a bit of a manic rush for a couple of hours where I was full of great ideas and enthusiasm, only for it to drift off later. I liked that state, it was like a window to achieve something and feel happy about things. The side effects are forgetfulness and being a bit fuzzy and demotivated most of the time. 

I’m cutting down on the medication. I’ve been told I seem more like my old self. This does include a less pleasant side of being grumpier and less tolerant. I feel more likely to react to things, which itself isn’t a bad thing. I am in a space where I am more relaxed and can more easily spot anxiety driven actions, so I can re-learn to deal with events in a better manner.

Lowering the medication highlights that while it smoothed over the cracks, the issues were still there. An example might be dealing with people over something negative, I might be less anxious about coming forward and pointing it out, but I’m not learning a useful way of dealing with it, so when I lower the medication, I need to train my brain to deal to think about it differently. I’ve seen it work, now I need to make it work for myself. I need to learn to put the anxiety to one side and work out how to approach it from a more calm view point, since the anxiety generally dispels the calm and has an urge to get to the point and spit it out bluntly.

In an ideal world I’d win enough money to live on in a lone cottage by the sea and none of this would be an issue.