Fallen in the trap

I’m a little annoyed with myself. There’s a bizarre stubborn streak that insists on being able to do everything for myself and not have to rely on other people. What I should have done was go straight back to the doctor when I wrote that last post. No I thought, I need more rest, I’ll be fine, it should sort itself out. Erm… not quite. In fact it was the anxiety starting to take root again. I was thinking I shouldn’t bother the doctor as I’d be fine I could wait for the next appointment.

Stupid me. Really I should have gone to the doctor upon returning from visiting friends on Skye a couple of weeks ago. The trigger should have been when I kept having to leave the kitchen because of how I felt. Too many people, too much noise, I regularly wandered out into the garden because I couldn’t handle it. Again I thought I’ll be going to the doctors in 2-3 weeks so I should just wait as I didn’t feel I was in a state where I needed to see the doctor quickly.

Last week my wife, told me to make an emergency appointment and go see the doctor. I did and they doubled my medication. I’ve been on the increased dose for a few days and already I feel better, having a bit of chat with people serving me in shops instead of smiling and saying very little. 

I am annoyed because I didn’t see what was right in front of me, I fell into the trap and started descending the steps again. I’m annoyed because I didn’t listen my wife straight away and allowed myself to feel I wasn’t important enough to see the doctor as soon as possible. Instead I allowed myself be self aware of what was happening, but allow part of the anxiety to influence my behaviour.

You’d think I’d have learned? Maybe this time.