Life: The name of the game we all play.
That is the way it sometimes seems. We are always playing it, whether we want to or not. I could make reference to life’s ups and downs being like a game of snakes and ladders but that would seem hideously obvious and somewhat naff. Why am I writing about this? Incidentally I am stood next to a fire exit typing this out out on my phone because I need the peace and quiet to think. It also feels like the right thing to be doing as it’s a good opportunity to let my thoughts out of my head since life has been so hectic and in a bit of flux lately it has given me some time to reflect.
What I do know is, I’m here, I’m still in one piece and things could be far worse. No matter what you think or feel, it could always be far worse. I am back to feeling more like myself and contented enough, gearing myself to do more and drift around less.
Last night I had one of those odd feelings, I get from time to time. This particular one wasn’t an unpleasant feeling, it was vaguely comforting and reassuring. It was that feeling of knowing something fairly instrumental in the shaping of the near future was in the offing. I can accept most people will think it ludicrous and wonder how the hell I would possibly know what that feels like? I don’t particularly care what anyone thinks about it. That was how I felt.
I have no idea what the future holds for me, what I do know is the minute I try and picture it, I know that will definitely not happen. The future seems to want to continually change and surprise me, moving as it chooses, every time steering me in a new direction. I hope wherever it leads me that I am happy and that I never end up settling for less than I deserve. I’ve done that before, I spent a good chunk of 7 years not really being happy. I do not need that again.
My life seems to have a running theme where it tries to teach me to remain flexible and keep on going. I see sets of repeating patterns and cycles in it all. I look around at other people and wonder how they would deal with the same issues I have, or how well would I cope do in their shoes? Would anyone fair better than any of the others? Which of us would cope? Which of us would fail? It just makes me realise I am a far stronger person than even I thought I was. A good part of that is down to my friends, whether they’ve been entertaining me, taking the piss or just listening to me. I am lucky to know the people that I do. We all need to rely on other people from time to time, as “they” say ‘No man is an island.’ I just want to say again as I have in the past that these people have been absolutely brilliant, and that it’s always good to be able to turn round and be able to talk to them about more or less anything.
There is most definitely changes in the air and whatever changes they are could change themselves in the blink of an eye. Life can throw what it wants in my direction, be it good or bad. I’m ready to take it on. I think? Maybe? I hope? Yeah! Fuck it! Why not? What have I got to lose? I should rephrase that. What have I got to gain?
